You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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