So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
