My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
