This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
