Umm I'm too high to move.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
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His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
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Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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