Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
