Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
