I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
