found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
