so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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