where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman