and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.