he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds