think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night