Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
honey bunches of taint.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???