this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
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Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
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