The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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