Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
