dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
