You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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