apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
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Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
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He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
How does it feel to date your dad?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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