you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
