If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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