I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
