I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
