At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
