Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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