i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just invented taco cereal.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
