oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I queefed so loud it echoed.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
