my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
