I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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