the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
