Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
