i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
