Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
