Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I want a musical about memes.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
