shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
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I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
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I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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