I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
