I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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