Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
