i would punch a child for taco bell
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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