tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
