Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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