btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
