I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Pants are for mortals
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
