actually, I'm a sock model
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
MIDGETS
????
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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