Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
