shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
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season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
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She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I wear drunk well.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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