I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
She needs sedatives and a leash
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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