no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
