She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
