The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize