My hand turned me down
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
