I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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