Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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