Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
