So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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