kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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