i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I will pee on everything he values.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
