Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
