I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
