So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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