I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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