I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
