"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
