i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
