Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
