Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
