I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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