oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She needs sedatives and a leash
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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