Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
